AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Word Count: 3,353
Glossary:
Ojisan—Grandfather
Yukata—Sleepwear
THE SUN WAS high in the sky when Kagome finally exited the forest, where she soon found herself traversing through a wide field. In the distance, she saw a familiar cluster of huts, and felt she might be ill.
Her grandmother awaited.
Unconsciously, her stride shortened, her feet dragging as though carrying an unimaginable burden. The temptation to prolong the inevitable beckoned. Unfortunately, she couldn’t avoid her grandmother. Even if she tried, it wouldn’t be for long in a village as small as theirs. Moreover, her actions would cause suspicion. Kagome had no reason not to seek Kaede directly upon her return—where her grandmother would expect a recounting of her journey.
Kagome’s heart flipped. Was Kikyo back?
She should be thrilled—relieved. Instead, anxiety twisted her stomach.
Soon, questions would be asked.
What could she possibly say?
On the surface, she’d accomplished her duty. She’d gone to the Inu no Kami’s shrine. Alone. She’d presented her gifts of incense and sake and offered prayers on her village’s behalf. What was more, she’d returned home without injury. But not without mishap. Bandits had found her. She’d led them to the shrine. When she’d cried out to the Inu no Kami, her pleas had gone ignored. Instead, an inugami had answered and salvation had come with a price. Binding herself to a daemon, the kami’s shrine was then desecrated with violence and death, and ultimately destroyed. Because of her.
Kagome winced. Not only at the damning reality, but from the thought of lying. She’d never been a convincing liar. Her family would know. The truth would come out.
What if she said…nothing?
Was it lying to omit certain details?
But she knew. Not all deceptions were spoken lies.
The bandits were vanquished! she thought desperately. They were dead. Sesshomaru had killed them. They would never hurt anyone again.
Which meant, her village had a daemon to thank for their salvation, not the Inu no Kami. And certainly not her.
Inugami were formidable, far more than most youkai. They were conniving. Powerful. Dangerous. Never had she faced a creature of such magnitude.
And she’d brought Sesshomaru to her peaceful village.
What had she been thinking?
Her family would find out. Would they think less of her? Undoubtedly. Would they hate her? Perhaps not enough to leave her to her fate. They would want to free her—or die trying. Kagome halted, thunderstruck. A confrontation between her family and Sesshomaru was inevitable. Stupid! Selfish. She’d put her family at risk, and for what? To save herself?
She had made the choice to go to the Inu no Kami’s shrine despite the dangers. No one had forced her. Neither had Sesshomaru. She’d bound herself to him willingly.
Her choices had led her to this predicament. She had led a dangerous daemon to her loved ones, knowing—in the back of her mind—only death awaited. The only question was, who would die?
Sesshomaru?
Or, her family.
Sesshomaru, in beast form, stood proud beside her, seemingly unperturbed by the prospect of entering a ningen village, or the home of a youkai’s worse enemy: a family of miko. He did he question her hesitancy. He probably already knew her worst fears, and did nothing to comfort her.
Was he preparing for a fight? Would he kill everyone she held dear?
Kagome lifted her foot, to continue towards her village or to turn around and leave she had not yet ascertained, when she nearly impaled her foot on an abandoned farming tool. Only a quick nudge from Sesshomaru’s shoulder saved her from injury. She grudgingly thanked him, feeling completely unappreciative, especially when she became aware of the silence, the emptiness. Looking around, she frowned. There should have been a number of farmers out in the fields at this time of day. A few younger men, unwilling to abandon their elderly relatives, yet remained. Instead, she saw several pieces of equipment discarded on the ground, as well as a hat, a basket, a sandal.
Trepidation slid like ice down her spine. The field wasn’t just deserted, it was abandoned.
Up until this moment, dread had weighed her every step the closer she’d approached the village. Now, she ran, arms pumping. To run faster, she gripped her bow in her fist, her arrows clattering in her quiver that bumped along her spine, while Sesshomaru’s two swords smacked against her thigh where she had secured them with his bloodstained, gold obi. Worry consumed her. Forgetting about Sesshomaru, she wasn’t aware when he left her side. She sprinted down the deserted dirt paths of her village, seeing no sign of life. Not even a stray mutt. But there were crows, large, black specters circling above. An ill omen.
Passing a dozen huts, Kagome ran for the one that mattered the most to her heart. Halfway there, she caught movement from the corner of her eye.
No hesitation. Training asserted itself. Her sandaled foot struck the ground, jarring her knee at her abrupt stop as she lifted her bow and strung an arrow. In one, smooth motion, the white feathers at the end of the shaft brushed her ear, the sharp point of the arrowhead centered on the figure’s center mass.
“Miko, you have…returned.”
“Jinsei?!”
Not even bothering to return the arrow to her quiver, she ran with the slim wood clenched in one fist, her bow in the other, only to drop both on either side of her—forgotten—when she fell to her knees beside the elderly man. Unaccustomed to the weight of a sword at her hip—let alone two, she was tempted to set them aside as this new position forced one of the hilts into her ribs uncomfortably—until she noted Jinsei’s wounds.
Leaning against an old handcart, Jinsei sat with both feet straight out, hands pressed over his abdomen. Blood coated his hands, while a large stain darkened his brown haori. Kagome was already untying the pack on her back, quickly hunting for the small medical kit she never left home without.
“Jinsei, what happened?! Are you alright? Of course, you’re not. How bad are you hurt? Where is everyone?” Swiftly, she glanced around. Seeing no one, she quickly returned her attention to her patient, but when she tried to remove his hands, he waved her away. “What—? Jinsei, you have to let me—”
“You have failed us, Kagome girl.”
Not miko. Girl.
Kagome flinched, thinking about Sesshomaru; their contract. But no one in her village knew of her poor judgement. Not yet. For an instant, she wondered where the inugami had run off to, before refocusing on the injured man. “Jinsei, let me help you. You’ve lost a lot of blood.” Too much.
Perhaps reading her dire thoughts, he said, “I am passed saving.”
“Don’t talk like that—”
He interrupted, being uncommonly rude. “We’re all going to die.” He looked away as though unable to even look at her. “You were supposed to seek the Inu no Kami’s protection.”
Foreboding iced down her spine. She stared at all the blood, at the wound Jinsei refused to allow her to see. Had the bandits attacked? Was everyone…dead?
It couldn’t be! Sesshomaru had killed them.
Unless there were others, raiding parties split off from the major group.
Inwardly, she called herself all kinds of fool. Of course there were other bands. There had been far too few attacking the Inu no Kami’s shrine to account for all the horror stories she’d heard over the past few weeks.
There were surely others. Was she too late? Had the bandits come and gone while she was away?
No, there would have been more bodies, all their homes destroyed.
“I’ve just come from the Inu no Kami’s temple,” she said with forced calm, while secret guilt assaulted her. As was custom, she should have spent hours in supplication at the foot of the kami’s alter before returning home. In reality, her prayers had lasted minutes, if that. Nor had her prayers been focused solely on the Inu no Kami but to any who would listen.
But Jinsei didn’t know that. No one did but her and Sesshomaru.
“Then he has ignored your prayers. If only your sister were here. He’d have heeded her call.”
Kagome’s breathe caught. Lips numb, she asked quietly, “What happened here? Where is everyone?” Was she wrong? Had the bandits already attacked? When Jinsei said nothing, she shouted, “Tell me!”
“We are doomed because of you.” With his last breath, he condemned her. She watched the light leave his dark eyes. Only then did his hands fall away from his wound, where his organs spilled grotesquely onto his lap.
Covering her mouth with the back of her mouth, Kagome lurched to her feet with a gasp, backing away. She stared down at the elderly man, memories flashing before her eyes. Jinsei had been like an ojisan to her and Kikyo. Like family, as many of the other villagers were. Now, he was dead—and thought her a failure. He’d had such a low opinion of her, and she’d never even realized. She knew the villagers held Kikyo in much higher esteem than her, but not like this. Not to the point that she could not be relied upon for even the smallest of tasks due her station.
He wasn’t wrong, she thought, shamefaced.
Had the Inu no Kami even heard her prayers? Had he judged her unworthy?
With his shrine now a puddle of toxic goo, was the kami—even now—angry with her?
Even the inugami had abandoned her.
Where he currently was, she didn’t know nor cared as she turned on her heel. She ran through the streets, ignoring the few people she saw peeking out of their homes, the old and frail. If she could just get to Kaede-obaasan, everything would be alright. It had to be!
Seeing the familiar hut, she cried out, “Obaasan!”, before running inside.
She found Kaede wrapping bandages and placing them inside her medicine basket, obviously preparing to depart. The older woman looked up at her with her one eye, startled by her abrupt appearance. Kagome fell to her knees before her grandmother, her hands to the floor in front of her, needing the support when a rush of relief sapped her strength.
“Obaasan, what is going on? No one is in the fields, and I haven’t seen more than a few faces in the village. And Jinsei! He...” She hiccupped before loud sobs erupted. She cried for Jinsei. For the awful way he’d died. And for every hurtful thing he’d said.
“Kagome child.” The love and concern in her obaasan’s voice reflected in her one good eye, causing Kagome to fall against the elderly woman and cry all the harder.
Kaede gently patted her shoulder, but her words were quick, insistent. “Child, I know not why ye are so troubled, but I am sorry. I cannot delay. I am needed elsewhere. We are needed. Ye’ve seen Jinsei? Then ye know we must hurry.”
Kagome clutched at Kaede’s hand when the older woman tried to move around her, careful not to squeeze too tightly, knowing the knuckles were gnarled and riddled with arthritis. “Jinsei’s dead. I…I saw him die.”
Kagome bit her lip, unable to bring herself to reveal his last words to her. Despite her grief, and underneath her pain, her relief was strong. The bandits hadn’t come. The villagers were safe. But what happened to the rest? There were fewer than before, she was certain of it.
“Kaede, what happened? Where is anyone?”
Kaede let out a tired sigh before nodding. “Come along, child. I must see Jinsei for myself.” As though Kagome couldn’t be trusted? “And there will be others in need. We must help those we can.”
It was a gentle reprimand, but a reprimand nonetheless. Apparently, others were hurt, possibly dying. Like Jinsei. Kagome was being selfish. Cheeks burning, Kagome lowered her gaze in shame but nodded. Taking the heavy pack from her obaasan to carry herself, she followed Kaede out of the hut.
As they walked quickly, Kaede spoke. “Soon after ye left, word came from the neighboring village, of bandits ransacking the town, killing and burning everything to the ground. A few were even taken captive. Many of those who have remained in our village have now fled, but not before looting from their neighbors. During the initial panic, fighting broke out amongst the villagers. Even amongst family members.
“Since then, survivors have come and gone. Some peacefully. Others in violence. Having little, or nothing, they ransacked our village, even stealing from those too old or frail to run. There have been injuries, but until Jinsei, no deaths.”
Kagome was sickened by the news. She had expected more from her fellow man, especially from those of her own village. Shouldn’t travesty bring them more tightly together? Instead, it would appear that fear made villains of them all.
Kagome sucked in a harsh breath. “What of Kikyo? You said the neighboring village was destroyed. Kikyo was there! Has she returned with the survivors? Please, tell me she’s alright!”
Without slowing her stride, moving as quick as her old bones would allow, Kaede shook her head, her stooped shoulders drooping even lower. “I know not. I’ve questioned those who’ve come and gone, but no one knows of her fate.”
They came upon Jinsei’s body so Kaede could be certain that he was beyond their aid. Kagome stared at Kaede dully. Like Jinsei, Kaede didn’t believe in her. And why should her obaasan when Kagome acted the novice by breaking down during a time she should have remained strong? It didn’t matter that she’d never witnessed such a brutal death first hand, or that she was left reeling from the harsh words spoken by a man who’d been like a grandfather to her.
As a miko, she was expected to keep a level head no matter the situation. To keep perspective. And she’d failed. She’d let everyone down.
LATER THAT NIGHT…
“You have failed us all, Kagome girl. We are doomed because of you.”
Jinsei’s accusations haunted her, preventing Kagome from finding her rest. After tending to the injured, Kagome had worked alongside Kaede all day, mostly cooking and cleaning. Families had abandoned those who were unable to care for themselves, leaving the responsibility to their village miko.
Doubts plagued Kagome with worries that the Inu no Kami hadn’t heard her prayers. Or, if he had, he’d rejected her. She would never know for certain.
Her village was all but abandoned, their homes pillaged by fearful survivors. Had Jinsei spoken true? Would the kami have listened had Kikyo gone in her steed?
Perhaps she had angered the kami. She hadn’t objected to a youkai’s presence upon sacred ground, hadn’t discouraged the desecration of blood being spilled and life being taken, or prevented the shrine’s destruction.
A wet, rough tongue licked up her cheek. Recoiling, Kagome gaped at the large dog standing over her, intruding on her spiraling thoughts. “Sesshomaru! Where have you been?” With a grimace, she wiped the sticky saliva from her face with the sleeve of her white, sleeping yukata.
You are crying.
Kagome blinked in surprise, only then feeling the next tear fall from her lashes and make a trek down the very cheek he had licked. When Sesshomaru bent towards her, probably to slobber all over her again, Kagome pushed his muzzle away. Her dark mood plummeted at the sight of him. When she’d cried out for the Inu no Kami, Sesshomaru had appeared instead. Had she summoned him? Had she not prayed for anyone to come save her, would the Inu no Kami have answered? Had her little faith damned her?
Her shoulders hunched, her mind screaming denials.
Somehow, Sesshomaru had interfered with her prayers. There could be no other explanation. What was more, she could not be held accountable for his actions. Sesshomaru had chosen to bathe the kami’s temple in blood, and it had been Sesshomaru who had chosen to destroy the shrine. Not Kagome.
It wasn’t her fault the Inu no Kami hadn’t answered. It was Sesshomaru’s.
Lowering her head, allowing her bangs to hide her eyes, her hands clenched the folds of her yukata. Her voice was barely above a whisper. “It wasn’t supposed to be you.” Anger and resentment tangled within her chest, forming a knot. Lifting her gaze, she glared at Sesshomaru. “It wasn’t supposed to be you!”
In her heartache and self-doubt, she lashed out. He was a convenient target, this youkai. “Why did you have to interfere? I prayed to the Inu no Kami, not you! Now, the villagers are gone, Kikyo is missing, and the bandits—”
Sesshomaru was suddenly in human form, the change swift unlike that first time. Crouching over her, he grabbed her face, squeezing painfully, silencing her tirade. Kagome stilled, feeling the dangerous prick of sharp claws. He hadn’t broken skin, but one claw pressed into the flesh just beneath her left eye. A warning.
His amber orbs were cold as he regarded her, his words filled with menace. “You wish I had left you as you were? Had I done so, those human filth would have captured you. You’d have been raped, shared amongst dozens of men for hours as they beat and tortured you. Is that want you wish for?”
He shook her, making Kagome fear he would cut her. “Your kami abandoned you, a miko who should be their favored amongst all others.” He sneered in her face. “You are no different from any other ningen. Pitiful creatures who do naught but complain, blaming others for their misfortune, while doing nothing to improve their lives. Instead of blaming me, miko, I suggest you make better use of your time that doesn’t include wasting mine.”
He loathed her. She could see it clearly in his eyes. How easily she had forgotten that he was not a creature to be taken lightly, least of all to be trifled with. Would he hurt her? Kill her now for her irrational behaviour, their contract be damned?
Her voice came out muffled against his palm, a pained whisper as she spoke around his cruel grip. A single word. “Why?”
Sesshomaru’s featured smoothed, revealing nothing. His grip loosened, allowing her to speak, perhaps seeing the change in her. Though she was in no lesser turmoil, she was calmer.
“If you despise us so much, why did you save me? You could have ignored me, walked away, or even watched as they had their way with me. But you did none of those things. You saved me.”
The hand at her face was gentle, caressing. His soft touch ghosted along her cheek, past her ear to the back of her head, until he fisted her braid at the base of her skull and yanked back. She gasped at the sharp sting, the angle painful. His expression changed not at all. He was calm, regarding her with dispassion.
“Why, you ask? Is it not obvious, miko? I come bringing enlightenment. To open your eyes to the darkness hidden within you.”
She didn’t understand his cryptic remark, felt her face scrunch in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“You will. In time.”
He was so close. His breath whispered across her face. She thought he was going to kiss her. Unconsciously, she licked her dry lips.
Abruptly, he pulled back and let her go.
She was shocked to feel a hint of disappointment. Of rejection. What was wrong with her? When he moved away, she got an eyeful of naked flesh, of firm muscles and a nicely shaped backside. Before she could see more, she turned away quickly, horrified by the strength of the temptation to look just a little longer, until she saw what lie between his hips… Stop it!
Something was happening in her peripheral. Her head shot back towards him so fast she felt her neck crack. His form was evaporating into smoke!
“Do not leave the village,” she heard him say in warning, before he was gone, leaving her alone.